Free Food = You're Hired

"I was told there would be samples," I said.

This is how I open up every visit to a wedding caterer. My first experience with these food pushers was at a bridal show when we first got engaged, which must have been four or five years ago by now, and I ate enough roast beef-horseradish sandies to keep my GERD on overdrive until two weeks ago. It was fabulous.

But recently we've had a string of bad luck with caterers: No free food, no free booze, no free pharmies. Then why am I here? If there's nothing to consume couldn't we just have done this on the phone or on the interwebs? I hoped for a fruit platter, perhaps. Maybe a nice Goat cheese sampling with crisps, or pigs in a blanket and wine in a box.

One caterer kept us 2 1/2 hours without even offering a glass of water, and then after refusing to talk money at the table she never even ended up sending us an estimate! Cold-hearted, food-hoarding bastards.

Well, I'm happy to report, on Sunday we got our first real free meal on the backs of a caterer. And we weren't freeloading off just any caterer -- we ate off a caterer that gives his proceeds to AIDS/HIV patients!

We hit the motherf'nload. For more than an hour Deb and I sat in the office of a warehouse and chowed: "Traditional" coleslaw, multi-colored chips with salsa AND guac, two-potato salad (who knew there were two kinds!), mini-pulled beef sandwiches in little buns ("Mini sandwiches are very in," we were told) and mini-pulled chicken sandwiches. Caterer Dude even gave us leftovers -- so much that the two of us have already had FIVE follow-up meals between us, and as you can see from this pic we've got more shreds of meat chilling in Tupperware.

Even after we're married we're going to go for lunch and food shopping at caterers like this one every week. How are they gonna know if we're already married? Make up a few bogus names and email addresses, and the scam could go on for years. Then, we move.


Anonymous said...

And GUAC? Wow.

Anonymous said...

careful- our caterer did wine and food tasting at the same time and we all got so toasty mid-day we didn't remember what we agreed too..... (mom and dad included)---

designer-in-denial said...

Don't forget they served us the best baked mac and cheese I ever had!!!
Manna Catering you are the best and if they do a great job, they are doing our kids bar and bat mitzvahs as well.

Zachary said...

on behalf of your loyal readers, i wanted to thank you for finally posting something actually about you and deb -- we miss that stuff. i also agree with deb -- give the awesome caterers a shout out with a link to their interwebs site.

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha!!! Awesome!! But chastising yourself for not knowing there were at least two kinds of potato is a little harsh. After all, I was the one that told you you could order coffee extra hot. I remember you thinking that was extraordinary!!! -Amy in Lewiston

Jen A. Miller said...

You know it looks like you're holding a urine container, right?

Anaiis said...

I'm with Jen--I thought this was an "ZOMG! We're pregnant!!!!" entry. Ha ha ha!

I can't believe you were in Peru and didn't learn there's more than one kind of potato. I'm scandalized. Utterly scandalized. We have, in fact, over 3,000 different kinds.

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