I Got 44 Problems But The Bitch Ain't One

It's been years since I last posted -- and hey! I'm still engaged! Who woulda thunk it?

Our engagement has gone on so long that we don't remember what it was like to be "dating," whatever that means, let alone single. We have no idea what marriage will be like, or when it will come, or whether it will really happen.

But last week we came back from vacation and realized that beyond the big chores -- the place to get married, the guy to marry us, the dress for the bride and the DJ for the Horah -- there were probably some other things we should think about doing. So we made list.

OK that's bullshit, as you know. Deborah made the list. I then took the list, fixed the spelling mistakes and got OCD all over the formatting. I also broke everything down into categories, including "Judaica" and "FIND FLORIST!", because that's how I do.

We finished with, I shit you not, NINE categories, for a total of 44 things to do before the big day. 44! Absurd. And we're supposed to be nearing the end of the process! I've never done anything that required 44 steps in my life, and my future wife can't even name 44 reasons why she likes me, let alone loves me.

That means we have to accomplish one task every three days to be ready for the wedding day, which is enough to keep me awake until the wedding, wondering about any things I might have missed, like....

#45) Call both sets of parents and explain that the title of this post is ripped-off from a Jay-Z song, and not a reflection of my opinion of my future wife.


designer-in-denial said...

I can name 44 reasons why I love you no doubt!
1) you are hilarious
2) you write a blog about us
3) we have the same sense of humor
4) we despise putting this wedding together, but are so damn good at it.
5) you buy me pillow pets
6) you know i shouldn't eat gluten and milk
7) you talk about shmelvis for hours with me
8) You like to bop dance with me
9) you eat anything I make
10) and you always love it, even when it sucks.


JZ said...


Jason Nark said...

I think we had that conversation, and then it was actually wife who said "Seriously, fuck this. Let's go to an island or something." Next thing I knew, I was choking on a spliff on a balcony in Negril with lizards crawling on my feet.

VelvetMinxx said...

Actually, you've been engaged so long I forgot when the date is.

Please remind your fans!

Matt Katz said...

First, that was seriously the sweetest thing ever. Second, I'm an idiot, it's "but" the bitch not "&" the bitch. Obviously. Third, August 31! Huzzah!!!

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