Dear God, It's Me, Matt

I guess it's something of a rite of passage: Man goes home to visit his family, Mom makes Man clean his crap out from the basement, Man finds diary from when he was a Boy.

The diary, written in 3rd and 4th grade and recovered late Thursday night, proves that my personal development over the last two-plus decades has been minimal, at best. I overanalyze friendships: "David came over for about 4 hours and he feels like a friend to me." I question faith, and then I cave: "The first day I'm not sure about my religion in some way, BUT I LOVE IT." And I get dramatic: "About the worst day of my life...I have so much work to do I'll never get finished with it but I'm worried and Mommy's not. I'm definitely in trouble...I feel like I'm going to kill all my teachers even though they're great."

But more than anything, I talk about girls, particularly Lisa -- she can be found here, if you're interested. My pencil used to make out with Lisa's pencil during class, which is either weird or adorable. This passage is classic: "Jeremy thinks I like Lisa, I DON'T. So I hope he doesn't." And: "She was near me a lot today. With her sence of humor I have a headake."

Then it gets strange. For the record, my fiance's name is Deborah. And for the record, I have no recollection of there being a Deborah in my elementary school classes. But I still wrote this: "I think I might marry Deborah because there are so many coincidences about us."

WHAT?!? First off, what 8-year-0ld says "coincidences"? And second, that's seriously spooky. No other mention of marriage in the diary, by the way.


Old Man Snap said...

We used to draw cartoons of Herbie, a chubby, lovable, particularly charming and dashing funny kid, for Tricia Scull in fourth grade.

"You're so funny," she'd say, not the least bit freaked out that Herbie always saved "Tracy Stull" from the evil good-looking skinny boys.

Please publish the diary in its entirety.

Jim said...

The gap between buttons on Laura T.'s shirt in 6th grade. (She finally went out with me in 12th grade.) Asking Rhonda L. to go out with me in 7th grade and saying "please," only to have her say no. Riding my bike 20 miles each way to make out with Carol B. every day the summer between 7th and 8th grades because she moved to another town.

No diary entries. No creepy cartoons. Just lots of rejection.

av said...

When I was eight I found the x-rays of the man who would become my husband at his father's and became so obsessed with his bones that I actually stole the x-rays.

I kept them under my mattress, like it was porn. My nanny eventually found them and told my mom. They disappeared shortly thereafter, but I never forgot those bones. I still remember the perfect lines.

My poor parents. I'm sure they wondered time and time again how a beauty queen and a jock managed to birth Wednesday Addams.

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Not 0 Comments said...

Hey Matt! Don't get sucked into weird and random friendly posts from businesses! You sure seem nice, fella! How 'bouts a new post so other bloggers can count the comments and secretly loathe you?

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