This Week In Awkward

At work we sometimes get bizarre things sent to us -- self-published conspiracy books about the Catholic Church selling steroids to NFL linemen, newspaper clippings with obscene things written on women's ears -- but recently I got something that actually wasn't that disturbing: The Today Sponge.

OK, maybe it's a little disturbing. Born in the 70s and popularized by Elaine on Seinfeld (are you "sponge worthy"?), this alternative means of birth control was repackaged this summer as a hormone-free, spermicide-filled donut for women to enjoy "spontaneity, confidence and control." The sponge is like a combination of the condom and the Pill, except it doesn't work (89 to 91 percent accuracy? Are you fucking kidding me? What is this, Russian Roulette?!?!?).

A message went out over the internal IM system at work: "Are you sponge-worthy? Come pick up a free Today Sponge."

You had me at free. "Matt's going for it," a watchful colleague commented, loudly enough to be heard by multiple coworkers.

The ladies laughed. It was funny, I guess. As was my decision to actually tell them the next day that when I brought the sponge home I was met with 30 seconds of silence and four hours of disgust from my future bride.

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