You People Are Sick

By an overwhelming majority, a song that opens with...You know I thug 'em, fuck 'em, love 'em, leave 'em/Cause I don't fuckin' need 'em...will be the song that I walk to down the aisle to.

As I've written, barring a spousal veto, I will follow whatever the monthly polls tell us to do for our wedding. Last month we asked how to give some love to gay couples, and readers voted for a rainbow chupah. So we shall have a rainbow chupah hovering above us as we get married.

This month, we asked what song should play when I walk down the aisle. "Big Pimpin'" from Jay-Z won. Readers voted to send me walking into holy matrimonty one of the most anti-true-love songs in human history.

But what's worse? In second place came "Captain Jack" by Billy Joel, which includes the romantic ballad: Your sister's gone out, she's on a date/You just sit at home and masturbate.

Due to this hijacking of democracy, for the immediate future polling will be temporarily suspended. I want everyone to think about what they've done and start taking this shit seriously. I also need time to come up with another poll idea.


Zachary said...

i'll have you know that i suggested several more appropriate songs but you were not technologically savvy enough to change your poll. i think that the fault really lies in your lap (who made up the poll? those songs were pretty atrocious) also, pat robertson and the moral majority would appreciate the indignation you are showing.

Sugar said...

Poll everyone on the theme for the grooms cake - that you actually do get to decide.


- Newspaper theme complete with "red all over" icing

- Katz'n'cats: hate, sneezing and eternal turmoil

- and Big Pimpin', of course

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