Presidential Candidates Love Hamburgers, Weddings & Other Asssorted Non-Controversial Things

Wow I wish it was a presidential candidate who dipped his hand under a bathroom stall for a little pre-flight high school handy and not a senator I've never heard of. That would have been so much more interesting.

Instead, we're left with this, a bizarre compendium of presidential candidates' wedding stories. A new site, bridesdecide.com, seems to be suggest that the wedding industrial complex in this country has grown so potent that American brides have been rendered unable to choose a candidate on anything other than whether he (or she) had the good tulips or the shitty tulips as the centerpieces at their wedding reception.

In any case, the site does offer some fascinating tidbits about presidential candidates that make me wonder why single people are essentially excluded from being president because of the perception that they're family unfriendly or possibly gay. I want a single candidate! But I digress. Some highlights from the site:

  • There were 15 guests at Bill & Hillary's wedding, but "hundreds" at the reception, which makes no sense at all. I call bullshit.
  • Dennis Kucinich, 59 years old and 4'7" in the morning, recently married a 28-year-old Briton. He proposed two days before the wedding, and yet still pulled off a vegan, alcohol-free reception with 350 guests. He even wore a tux with tails and the bridesmaids had matching dresses and flowers. IN TWO DAYS HE DID THIS. Make this man commander-in-chief, stat.
  • The following is listed as Mike Huckabee's favorite wedding memory: "We took photos before the ceremony and I was just starving. So Janet's mother cooked a hamburger for me and I ate it in between photos." It would later come as no shocker to the mother-in-law when Huckabee ballooned to 300 pounds, busted a 100-year-old chair in the Arkansas state capitol (that's true), then dropped the weight and went on a weight-loss "crusade."


Anonymous said...

Kucinich looks like a rodent

read the blurb on his wedding, don't think he planned it in two days, i think he just gave her the ring two days before the wedding (and planned it for months or something)---

Anonymous said...

kucinich was single for the last presidential election. unfortunately he seems like the kind of whimsical vegetarian that vladimir putin would eat for dinner.

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