We Went To A Doughnut Shop And All We Got Was This Lousy Wedding License

Dear Mom, Dad, David & Ilene,

Deborah and I almost got married the other night at a downtown Portland, Ore., punk-rock doughnut shop. After I had a few "mystery shots" at another establishment and Deborah drank half of a beer, we visited the greatest thing to happen to doughnuts since the Krispy Kreme original glazed.

First, a bit about Voodoo Doughnuts. There's the "Tex-Ass" (see picture), a massive of doughy heaven larger than your face (if you eat it in 90 seconds the doughnut is free), and the "cock-n-balls," an oddly-shaped "bachelorette party favorite" that is "triple-cream filled" and comes in a pink box. Unfortunately, the Portland Health Department has forbidden Voodoo Doughnuts from continuing to sell the NyQuil-creme Pepto-Bismol-glazed doughnut, but Swahili lessons on Sundays and weddings by an ordained minister are still offered.

Our friends, Steve and Jenene, generously offered to pay part of the $175 for the official wedding (which comes with coffee and doughnuts for 10) or the $25 for the watered-down "commitment ceremony." Unfortunately, when Deborah asked about doing the deed, we were told that weddings "require appointments," which absolutely takes the point away from getting married at a doughnut shop in the first place. So the bottom line: Next year's wedding is still on!



Julian/PDX Pipeline said...

"which absolutely takes the point away from getting married at a doughnut shop in the first place."

I don't know that I agree with that. It is a small doughnut shop and they have a lot of business.

To have people constantly coming in and getting married would take up significant space and staff and therefore "absolutely takes the point away from getting" a doughnut there.

It's a great place though!

Homer said...

Mmmmm. Donuts.

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